Japanese People Who Don’t Offer Their Seats to Elderly People
It’s more complicated than one might think…
Two decades ago, offering your seat to an elderly passenger on the train was a social norm that almost everyone followed without hesitation. But in Japan today, things aren’t quite so simple. While the moral principle of “offering your seat is the right thing to do” still holds, the actual practice has become a subject of debate.
When something becomes a subject of debate in today’s Japanese society, people don’t talk about it face-to-face; they spill their true feelings on platforms like X. Compared with the U.S. where expressing your opinions is accepted or even welcome, Japanese people prefer to keep their opinions to themselves. However, the evolution of social media has allowed the shy Japanese to become not so shy on the internet.
Many Japanese people have private accounts on X, which are a persona that they show only on the internet. On private accounts, they share thoughts and emotions that they’re too afraid to share face-to-face.
Whether or not you should offer your seat to elderly passengers on the train has become one of the controversial topics that people talk about on X.
You might be wondering “what about priority seats?” There are designated priority seats on the end of each train car. However, as some of you might know, trains can be pretty packed especially in Tokyo. You need to push through a crowd of people to get to where the priority seats are. And it’s impossible to do so during rush hours. That’s why offering seats at the non-priority seat areas has become a topic of debate.
In this article, I will share what people on X say as well as what my friends say in order to delve into Japanese people’s true feelings.
1. Twenty Years Ago and Now: Offering Your Seat as a Social Norm
Twenty years ago, the rule was straightforward: if you saw an elderly person standing, you gave up your seat. It was part of basic manners, taught to children from a young age. There were fewer elderly people back then, and the gesture was almost always received with gratitude. Refusing a seat was rare.
Also, 20 years ago, it was normal for everyone to follow a shared code of conduct. However, the rise of individualism has made it harder for people to hold common understandings or rules. And offering seats to elderly passengers is not an exception.
2. Reasons Why People Don’t Give Up Their Seats
Today, I come across situations where a young, seemingly healthy high school student sits on their seat, engrossed in their phone, while a very old and frail grandma stands in front of them. I see these situations quite often now, which would have been rare 20 years ago. So what changed?
The first obvious factor is that there are an increasing number of “elderly” people in today’s Japanese society. It is no secret that Japan is a rapidly aging society with a declining birth rate. According to statistics, the percentage of people aged 65 and older was approximately 20.2% in 2005. By 2024, that figure has risen to 29.1%, meaning nearly one in three people is considered elderly.
That was the obvious one, and there are psychological factors that people share on X. I searched a few private accounts on X to find out why it’s difficult for some people to offer their seats to the elderly passengers on the train.
Long Commute and Fatigue
Japan’s demanding work culture plays a huge role in this issue. Many commuters are physically and mentally exhausted.
The average commute time for those who work in Tokyo increased from 60 minutes to 90 minutes in 20 years. That’s due to increased commute from suburbs to office districts. There is also data that indicates people who answered that they’re undergoing emotional stress was 50% 20 years ago, and now it’s 60%.
Increased commute time and stress have led many people to consider their commute time as a chance to relax, listening to music, watching YouTube videos, or playing mobile games.
These days, I see a lot of people falling asleep on Japanese trains. You simply don’t notice elderly passengers standing in front of you if you’re deep in your sleep.
Here are some X posts I’ve seen:
“I know I should give up my seats to elderly passengers. However, I’m just extremely exhausted that sometimes I can’t.”
“I’m literally crawling to work, why am I expected to offer seats to elderly passengers who choose to be on the train in this rush hour?”
Fear of Offending
Many young people worry that offering a seat might be seen as implying the person is “old” or “weak.” This sentiment is echoed in X posts like:
“I offered my seat, but they refused with a look that said, ‘I’m not that old!’”
“I wish there were a special skill to help distinguish elderly people who would accept your seat from those who would get angry at the offer.”
Fear of Rejection
Many people on X share experiences where they offered a seat only to be declined. In Japan, a lot of people fear rejection because of cultural emphasis on harmony.
“Yet again, I get rejected while offering my seat.”
“It’s so awkward when I offer a seat, and they say no. I just end up continuing to sit in my seat while everyone looking at me like a rejected person.”
3. Conversation with My Friends: Do You Offer Your Seats on the Train?
I had never talked to my friends about this topic, but I had to for the sake of this project. I was almost scared to ask them. Because deep down, I wanted to think my friends are the type of people that offer their seats to elderly people, and I didn’t want to find out the truth.
Luckily, my worry was for nothing.
One friend, Taiki, says that his rule of thumb is that he offers his seat if the elderly passenger seems to have difficulty standing or walking. There are many people in Japan who are in great physical shape despite their age. There’s a good chance that they reject your seat even if you insist.
The other friend, Arisa, tries to make an eye contact with the elderly person so that she knows for sure that they want to take her seat. She’s been rejected many times before, so she tries to avoid those situations by communicating with elderly passengers.
To avoid the awkwardness of verbal communication, sometimes they choose to quietly stand up and leave their seat without saying anything, allowing the elderly person to decide whether to take it or not. This approach is often viewed as a more subtle and respectful way to offer assistance.
4. Navigating the Dilemma: What Should You Do?
So, where does that leave us? Should you offer your seat or not?
For me, I try to approach it with the mindset of offering my seat as if I were helping my own grandma. This mindset makes the decision easier. I choose to offer my seat when I feel someone might need it — without overthinking how they might react.
However, I get what people on the internet say about being too tired to offer their seats. I, too, have been in their shoes. When you’re pushed to the limit, it’s hard to be nice to other people. So when I see a young person not offering their seats, I give them the benefit of the doubt — maybe they’re just exhasted?
The truth is, there is no perfect answer. Social norms are evolving, and the “right thing to do” can feel unclear. Or there are just too many “elderly” people that you just can’t keep on giving up your seat for every other person that approahces you. But perhaps the best we can do is to continue practicing small acts of kindness while recognizing the complexities beneath the surface.
